Hey you! Don’t tuck that in! Forget about a collared shirt and if you want to wear those board shorts and flip-flops so be it. At our resort course and other golf clubs across the Southland (private, public and resort) dress codes are going by the wayside almost as fast as those clubs are done being exclusionary. Locker rooms are no longer necessary because you can wear out to dinner to your favorite steakhouse (mine is Bourbon Steak!) what you were playing in on the golf course that day. Today I even wore my favorite Jordan golf shoes, yes the high-top ones that are the replica of the shoes that Jordan wore to win one of his championships.
Why don’t you turn up the music! GPS’ used to be cool and now I can play stereo music in my golf car and soon my GPS and speaker will be one and the same. Don’t you think a digital caddie to keep me in line will be cool, I sure do.
You only want to play nine holes, then… Just Do It! Only have time for a golf experience and not an all-day affair, then hit the Ocean Loop for our five closest holes nearest the ocean and clubhouse bar! The only thing traditional about that is the tees in my pocket that stab me every now and then.
Have you seen the new rules of golf? Awesome! I don’t have to pull the pin out anymore; I get to tap down spike marks and I don’t get penalized if my ball accidentally moves. You’re telling me that the new rules of golf will allow me to play faster? I’ll actually be able to get home before dinner now and my wife thinks that is super epic!!!
So you’re saying that I can now walk, take a Tesla-like golf car (lithium batteries), utilize a caddy, push a Rikshaw, ride a GolfBoard or drive a Phat Scooter? I know those are real and I can take advantage of them today, but I might just wait around for the Monorail to come by, you never know.
You don’t feel like drinking a Diet Tab and having a tuna cup at the turn? How about a microbrew and a Poke Bowl! Or if you’re hangry try the smoked pulled pork sandwich from the Traeger! The times have changed so much at the Monarch Cafe that the hotdogs are scared of getting passed over and now they have indigestion. Touché.
We now have golf clubs that self-correct errant shots, launch the ball higher and straighter, our irons impart more spin (softer landing) and drivers spin less (roll out more.) With larger sweet spots putters work better after you have two or three of your favorite cocktails and heaven forbid you hit it slightly off center as the ball rolls truer than ever meaning more made three footers.
Kids can now play in the PGA Junior League instead of trying to get one of those participation trophies in AYSO. They can also compete at Augusta each April in the DPC (Drive, Putt and Chip) competition. How about them Birdies!!!
Don’t worry, if you like traditional golf you still have the Masters, the U.S. Open and that Saturday morning men’s club you can play in with your exaggerated handicap and sans a belt form-fitting trousers. Knickers excluded!
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Expertly written by PGA GM, Eric Lohman.